Ode de Parfum

I've come to realise that I approach my search for a perfume the way that many women search for a man.

My first perfume relationship was with Estee Lauder's Beyond Paradise. I was 16, it was grown up and exotic, we stepped out together and I felt fabulous and adult. Then, after two years of passionate romance, we drifted apart and didn't see each other for some time. Recently we caught up again, but it just wasn't the same. I felt the awkward mix of sweet memories of the past, along with the understanding that we were just never going to have the same relationship.

For years I never really gave the whole thing much thought, but then, as I noticed more and more that my friends had their own special perfumes, I suddenly became aware of my own lack of a serious fragrance relationship. At first, it was just at the back of my mind, but slowly and surely I began thinking about it more and more. I am a modern, independent woman, and yet I couldn't get past the feeling that I needed a perfume partner, to support and define me, to be with me through the hard times and the good.

And then I realised. I was obsessed with the search for a signature scent.

And so I wandered into a perfume shop in Hawthorn with the vague idea of purchasing a Diptyque fragrance. Two of my dear friends wear Diptyque, which put me onto Tam Dao, which I rather enjoyed. I was almost tempted to get it, but decided that wearing her scent would be confusing and slightly embarrassing for the both of us. So I wandered in, met the whole range and, more or less on impulse, walked out with L'Eau. I was giddy. It was like nothing I'd ever had before. I was totally in love. For two weeks I was like a schoolgirl, waiting to get home so I could put it on, smiling every time I caught a whiff from my wrist...and then I went overseas. And for some reason, when I got back it was all different. It seemed a stranger to me. I wasn't sure whether I'd changed or it had, but it all felt wrong. I pushed it away. I felt betrayed.

I needed a rebound. But, chastened by my experience with L'Eau, I tried a new tact. I tried internet speed dating. Armed with a new website (theperfumedcourt.com), I wandered around, read profiles, and finally decided on some potential perfume dates. I started out with several of the Diptyque range. Surely, I thought, there would be something for me here.

It wasn't to be.

L'Autre physically repulsed me with its overwhelming smell of body odour, Oyedo was far too infantile and sycophantic, and the others - Opone, Do Son and Eau Lente, were pleasant enough, but I didn't want to see them again. Olene was quite sweet, enough to see a few times, but there was never any sparks there.

I tried a new tact. I found a perfume manufacturer called CB I Hate Perfume. The guy who founded it, Christopher Brosius, says on his website: 'People who smell like everyone else disgust me.' This, I thought, was the perfume house for me. With scents like Burning Leaves, and story perfumes like Mr Hulot's Holiday - ah yes, here, I would find my one, true scent love. It would be unusual, mysterious, and oh so right for me.

Nope. Mr Hulot's Holiday made me feel unwell, Burning Leaves failed to crackle and sing, Greenbriar 1968 smelled like dirt, as did Black March...nothing was working.

I was getting desperate. Was something wrong with me? Was there something about me that just refused to let me find a perfume relationship? Was I doomed to be perfume celibate?

I wandered into Myer and found the Chanel counter. I felt a little awkward, going to the village bicycle, but I felt that with its years of experience, Chanel No. 5 would be able to teach me something. Alas, no. The most chic perfume of all time smelled rubbish on me. So too did Caron's Tabac Blond, which I'd decided by its description (leather, tobacco), would be The One. It wasn't.

So now I've started going a bit mad. I even, to my great personal disgust, found a website suggesting perfumes by star sign, and ordered some of the ones suggested for Aries (notes of ginger, pepper and bergamot were suggested), but I'm not overly hopeful.

What do I want? God knows. I know the traits I like in a perfume - spiciness, sharpness, richness, a bit of fire, but I've never found one that puts these into practice the way their site profiles say they will. Surely it's not so hard. I know heaps of people who've fallen in love at first smell, and kept the same perfume all their lives. Is it too much to ask to find a fragrance that makes me a better person?

After all, all I want is true love.